Microsoft tweeted a fake commercial for a pretend holiday album called Microsoft Holiday Hits, a not-real, four-CD album that claims it features “60 festive favorites.” I want to reiterate that this is not a real album — but the company actually went to the effort to record tidbits of Microsoft-themed versions of classic Christmas carols anyway for the lols. I dearly love puns, dad humor, and terrible jokes, but even I groaned at some of what Microsoft did here.
Here are the lyrics to one eye-rolling carol:
Joy to the Word / spellcheck is done
It fixed all of my stuff
Or how about this classic? I look forward to hearing your collective sighs of despair over the Internet:
Please Mute Ye Merry Gentlemen / You’re talking far too loud
We’re trying to have a meeting / You’re yelling in a crowd
But by far the worst offender is “Bingle Bells,” which is somehow actually stuck in my head:
Bingle Bells, Bingle Bells / Bing goes all the way
Oh what fun it is to surf the World Wide Web today, hey
I have to give Microsoft some credit for some of the fictional song titles, though. “Deck the halls with ‘90s Clip Art” sounds like a great theme for a holiday party. “Windows Wonderland” is actually pretty clever. “Let it Segoe! Let it Segoe! Let it Segoe!” made me do that thing where you breathe quickly through your nose when you read something funny online. And the whole video is presented in the style of an old Christmas-themed infomercial, which is charming.
You should just watch Microsoft’s one minute and fifteen second ad for this fake album for yourself:
Reply All Records presents: Microsoft Holiday Hits. The great selection of holiday songs EVER assembled. pic.twitter.com/Ml0lIqGeEt— Microsoft (@Microsoft) December 11, 2020
Microsoft has been on something of a holiday advertising blitz this year. The company sold MS Paint and Windows-themed ugly sweaters online, but as of this writing, they’re sold out. An Xbox ad from earlier this week, which I should note was a short film made by Thor: Ragnarok director Taika Waititi, featured Master Chief as a DJ cat. Another holiday ad featured dogs frolicking in Halo, Minecraft, and Flight Simulator.
You can certainly say Microsoft’s ads have been memorable, which I guess is the whole point.